This is the third of four guest blogs by my dear friend, Julie. Her story of relapse and recovery are inspirational – in order to heal ourselves from the restrictions and binges, contractions and constrictions of our heart, we must develop a healthy relationship not only with our physical body, but with our emotional and spiritual sheaths as well. Here’s Julie……
“I can’t tell you how many ‘Ah-hah moments’ (her phrase, not mine) I have had either watching her show or reading something she has written. Some years back she was writing about acceptance, an issue that is HUGE for anyone who deals with food/body image issues. She wrote, ‘Your life is a journey of learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others in every encounter. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive.’
When I think about ‘being my best,’ I think about a life void of fear. A lot of my life has been run by fear. You name, I’ve been afraid of it. When I feel fearful, I can literally feel my heart slam shut. I’m then no longer open to give love or receive it. That’s not a good place for me. That’s when the anxiety increases to the point of no return. That’s when I check out of life.
But what if I just slowed down, took a deep breath and explored a bit to find out what I am afraid of? What if I asked for help? I now understand tolerating the discomfort is easier than tolerating what I do to avoid the discomfort (turn to bingeing). This discomfort leaves me in a weakened state, physically, mentally and most of all spiritually. So I’ve started asking God to take from me that which I feel I cannot handle. It is a relief to ask for help. It is freeing to admit I can’t do it alone. It is healing to turn over the fear. When I get rid of the fear, my heart opens and is ready to give and receive the love I so desire.
I recently journaled on what ‘being my best’ would look like in relation to my family. What I found was with every person it came down to speaking my truth. When I don’t speak my truth, I pay the price and I’m really tired of paying.
So what would ‘being my best’ look like in the eyes of God? (S)He would see an energetic woman with a vibrant personality, emitting light wherever she goes and to whoever she comes in contact with. She would live from her heart, free of fear. Living in the moment, as if it were her last. She would use her skills of teaching, compassion, humor, humility, earthiness and loving kindness to lift up others. She would inspire and support making most days an offering to her God. She would love with her whole heart and in return would be loved by most with whom she comes into contact.
This would be a life worth living and a woman worth loving! Perhaps I’m not that far from her after all.